My Week Without Internet

I have carried my shame with me for the last several years. Specifically, I have carried my shame in my pocket. But now, it is finally time to confess to the world: I still do not have a smartphone. I have never had a smartphone; instead, I have a slide phone. It can text and make phone calls and, occasionally, send and receive pictures, and that is about it. The list of things that my dumbphone cannot do is long, but most of the items are covered by one word: internet. Last week I moved from Virginia to North Carolina into an apartment that was formerly sans internet access, so, lacking a smartphone with the ability to look up addresses and check out social media and such, I knew there would be a period of time in which I would have to survive without regular internet access. In order to catalog the experiences of this week, I kept a journal of what it was like to be internet-less. The text of the entries has been transcribed below.

The journal basically looks just like this. But with fewer drawings. And the pages are whiter. And it might have a metal spiral in the middle. But other than that, the exact same.

How to Write a Dystopian Young Adult Trilogy

The idea of the dystopian post-apocalyptic universe has been around since George Orwell discussed Big Brother in 1984. Recently, however, the adaptation of these dystopian young adult series into movies has become massively trendy in Hollywood (see: Hunger Games, Divergent, The Maze Runner, etc). While I enjoy many of these books, we have to go ahead and admit right now that these series are all pretty much the same. I know that I have little room to speak as a lover of Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels, which don’t exactly break new ground with each release, and I am not saying that these books/movies are not enjoyable; on the contrary, I often enjoy them despite clearly no longer qualifying as a member of the authors’ target audience.

These series typically contain several mutual elements: a reluctantly heroic protagonist, an occasionally forced love story, an evil and oppressive but functional governing body, and a common plot scheme. Trilogies also seem to be the primary means of telling these stories, with an occasional prequel or collection of related stories mixed in there. Since this will be my seventeenth blog post, I am basically a professional writer at this point and am totally qualified to advise future authors on how to write their own dystopian young adult novel trilogy.

Trust me, I’m a professional.

The Four Things that Young Men Can Learn from Fantasy Novels

In news that is not a shock to anyone who knows me, I spent a lot of time in trouble as a kid. I was rebellious, stubborn, and (to quote my mother) “lacking in any tact at all,” all traits that I am still waiting to grow out of. When I was grounded to my room (which was often), I had no TV, no cell phone, no video game system, and definitely no computer or internet access. However, what I did have was a shelf of books and could usually convince my dad to let me borrow some of his when I ran out of things I wanted to read.

A couple quick disclaimers before I get to this fancy list of mine. First off, I am going to be discussing a lot of things that happen in two sets of pretty commonly read fantasy series: The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter along with a few events from other novels. If you haven’t read those books before, crawl out of your cave and get on it! I mean at least check out the movies. You also may not want to read any more of this post.  There are probably spoilers here, but they are necessary. “But I want to read your blog!” you desperately say? That’s cool. Check out some of the old posts, like the one where I talk to myself or the one with all the ways to fix modern sports.

The second thing to keep in mind is that I am a man. When I pitched the idea for this week’s post to my girlfriend, she asked why I am focusing on young men. The best answer I can give you is this: I can only tell you why I believe young men should read these novels based on my own experience, and since my experience as a young female is severely lacking, I can’t speak to experiences with the ladies. If you have more experience growing up as a member of the double x chromosomed population, feel free to drop a comment on here letting me know how much of this applies to you!

Without further ado, my nerd card is being renewed below. Read on while I grab my glasses, pocket protector, and dice with too many sides.

1. When the Going Gets Tough, the Hobbits Save the Day (or Something Like That)

I believe Shakespeare was the first author to pen the lines “Crap rolleth downhill” or something of the like. Some days/weeks/years are just rough, especially for the walking hormone smoothies that are teenage boys. As a teacher/coach/retired teenager, I totally understand that. Nevertheless, you have to persevere through the difficult times or accept an inability to ever accomplish anything, a task modeled fully in fantasy novels.

It’s a fairly common element of literature that the protagonist has to hit a low spot before the climax and redemption, but who could ever have more persistence than Frodo from The Lord of the Rings? Frodo crosses miles upon miles, covered in cliffs, swamps, and volcanic ash, all to save the world at the risk of his own life and sanity. As he journeys closer and closer to Mt. Doom in Mordor, the ring gets heavier, much as our tasks appear more difficult when closest to their achievement. Yet Frodo, a simple hobbit from the Shire, is able to destroy the ring (with the help of Gollum’s pearly yellows) and save Middle Earth. Admittedly, no man (or hobbit) is an island, and even Frodo needed the help and support of Sam, bringing me to my next point…