It’s been a while since I wrote on here (probably almost a year). There are lots of reasons that I could point at, but realistically I have just been lazy. Since I am battling laziness this year, I figured I would sit down and actually write something!
Coaching has been by far my favorite part about teaching. Some of the most inspirational people in my life have been coaches, from Coach Buck for football to Coach Helmer and everyone in between and since has helped shape the kind of coach I became. My first year teaching, I was supposed to be an assistant coach for the rugby club (not a team since rugby isn’t VHSL approved). The head coach got busy with school and his life and before I knew it, I was thrown into the head coaching position. That first year hooked me; we finished a game away from a state title and the kids and I have both stayed hungry since then. My second year, I was the head coach of the cross country team in addition to rugby and last year I coached the runningbacks and special teams for the football team. One of the biggest challenges for me has been the interactions with the parents. In no particular order, here are some thoughts about things that parents should and should not do to help their children’s coaches**.
- Do NOT pry after a loss. I take a loss as a coach much harder than I did as a player. When I am playing, I at least have some bit of control over the outcome of the game. As a coach, you have much less than most people think. I can teach a player when to kick, how to kick, and why to kick, but I can’t get onto the field to kick it for him. Coaches typically become coaches because they were so competitive as players and had such a desire to win. Losing sucks. Coaches are mad after a loss and might be a bit curt with our responses, so give it a few hours and let us deal with it however we need to.
- Don’t pressure the coach about your child’s playing time. To be clear, asking a coach why your child hasn’t played much is fine (as long as you don’t do it right after a loss). In fact, it may help you help your son or daughter develop as an athlete and person. At the high school level and above, if the coach gives you a reason, then you may need to accept that reason. There is a lot of pressure to win, whether it is school created or self-inflicted, and at some point a coach just has to play the best athletes. Reasoning for playing or sitting athletes depends on each coach. I have sat players for grades, in school behavior, and lack of effort at practice. Overall, my philosophy is that if you can’t dedicate yourself in all the aspects which I require, then you are not a player I want to count on in the last part of a game. That being said, there is little more frustrating than a parent pressuring me to explain why their son was on the bench when I am with them all week and see them practice and interact with them in the school.
- Don’t put your kid on a pedestal. Everyone wants to believe that their child is an amazing athlete, but the numbers don’t lie; not every high school football player will play in the NFL or even in college. If your son/daughter works hard and gives their all, the best thing you can ask for is a chance for them to continue playing at a higher level, if they want to. Don’t tell a coach how astoundingly athletic your son or daughter is, let your child show them.
- Don’t pressure your kid to play a sport that they do not like. This year was my first coaching football. About a week in, I noticed a kid who worked pretty hard, but didn’t seem to have any desire to be there. His dad pushed him into playing football when, realistically, all he wanted to do was run cross country with his girlfriend. Not everyone wants to be a football player or whatever sport a father or mother played in high school. Ask your kid if they are enjoying the sports they play and make sure they feel comfortable honestly answering that question.
- Be careful coaching your own child. At a lower level (Pop Warner, Little League, Rec League, etc) winning is rarely a big deal. The point of your child playing a sport at that level is primarily socialization and experience with the sport. As such, it is not a big deal to be coaching your own son or daughter, because everyone should be playing and the competition isn’t as significant to the experience. When you get to the high school level, however, winning becomes one of the top priorities. Add in grades, college recruiting, and in school issues, and things get complicated quickly. Some parents and their children have the type of relationship which allows these issues not to get in the way of parenting, but it can get tricky fast. I can’t imagine how you choose to start or not start your son or daughter, or how difficult it would be to take them out if they are playing poorly. The key word here is careful.
- You may not know more than the coach. Other than just knowing the players extremely well, a coach often knows the sport very well. Last spring, I had a woman who was related to a couple players (aunt, neighbor, I don’t really remember) come up to me and tell me she would like to come help at practices because she knew some drills and then she began to point out some of the issues that we had that game. Later, I found out that she had been playing rugby for about a year. I know that I am young, but I have also been playing rugby for the better part of a decade. I have played every position on the field and I still play for a local men’s team to make sure that I don’t fall behind. Being older does not make you more experienced, it just makes you older. Even if you played the sport for years, the coach may know something you don’t know. Good coaches constantly work on their craft, reflect, and attend different clinics to learn more. In most cases, parents haven’t stepped onto a competitive field since their children were young. Trust the coach. But…
- Coaches are not perfect. We make mistakes. We dwell on those mistakes. We pressure ourselves to never make another mistake and then, like clockwork, we make another one. Every game, win or loss, I wonder what I could have done differently or better. A good coach reflects on every bit of competition and surrounds him or herself with others who will help make those decisions. Ask your coach questions, but try not to harp on their mistakes. We focus on them enough.
- DO help the coach out through boosters and support. I saved this for last because this is by far the MOST important rule. The rugby club gets NO school funding due to its club status at the school. Before my first season even started, a player’s mother came up to me to ask what she could do to help. We simply call her “Mama” because she runs so much of the off-field procedures for me. I am infinitely thankful that she takes care of raising money and feeding the kids and all of those types of needs, because it frees me up to just coach. Parents showing up and helping support the kids, whether financially or by just watching and cheering, shows the kids what is really important – them. Support your son or daughter as much as you can because even if it temporarily embarrasses them for some reason, they will always be appreciative.
This list is far from exhaustive and I am sure there are areas that some parents or coaches won’t agree on. I know I do not have kids, but these are things that I have seen or experienced from the coaching side of things. I am sure there are things I forgot, but like rule number seven says, coaches aren’t perfect.
**To be clear, my coaching experience is at the high school and college levels, so that is what I will focus on here.
Scrumming with Shakespeare 